Happy Summer, Vanessa! 

After limping around and pretending for weeks that everything was fine, I finally limped into see the foot doctor.  Spoiler alert – everything was not fine. It’s not terrible, but there’s a boot on my foot that limits my get-up-and-go. 

I have two choices here – I can feel sad about it and wallow, and I admit I did that a little bit. The other choice is to look for the different things I can do.  A friend and mentor told me that my summer is now in a whole REBOOT mode. So that is how I am choosing to see all this.  
 
And I’m on a big movie-kick this summer, so everything works out! It’s too hot for much else even if both feet worked properly. This week, I got nostalgic for How to Train Your Dragon—a film I now realize has been quietly coaching me all along.

Wouldn’t vs. Couldn’t: A Career Lesson from a Dragon

There’s a moment in How to Train Your Dragon that never fails to stop and give me pause to think.
(quotes courtesy of https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0892769/quotes/
Astrid: It's a mess. You must feel horrible. You've lost everything. Your father, your tribe, your best friend...

Hiccup: Thank you for summing that up.

Hiccup: Why couldn't I have killed that dragon when I found him in the woods? Would've been better, for everyone...

Astrid: Yep. The rest of us would have done it. So why didn't you? (pauses) Why didn't you?

Hiccup: I don't know... I couldn't.

Astrid: That's not an answer.

Hiccup: *Why* is this so important to you all of a sudden?

Astrid: Because I want to remember what you say, *right now*.

Hiccup: Oh, for the love of... I was a coward! I was weak! I wouldn't kill a dragon!

Astrid: You said *wouldn't*, that time.

Hiccup: Agh, whatever... I *wouldn't*! Three hundred years, and I'm the first Viking who wouldn't kill a dragon!

Astrid: First to ride one, though. So...?

Hiccup: I wouldn't kill him, because he looked as frightened as *I* was. I looked at him... and I saw myself.

That "wouldn’t" mattered. A lot.

Because “couldn’t” implies he lacked the strength. “Wouldn’t” reveals that he had the strength - but made a choice not to use it that way. That shift? That’s agency.

When I left teaching, it felt like the system was trying to squeeze me out. But the truth is: I chose when to go, and I left on my own terms. I couldn’t keep giving everything to a system that refused to be curious about what teachers actually need. I wouldn’t continue to allow myself to be treated that way.

And I want to offer that same distinction to you.

So many teachers say, “I couldn’t take it anymore.” But what does it feel like if you reframe it to:  “I will not keep being treated like this”? That’s not weakness. That’s clarity. That’s a boundary. That’s where change begins.

Like Hiccup, we don’t have to fight our way out. We can observe. We can listen. We can be curious. We can understand. And then we can decide—with compassion and confidence—what happens next.

Hiccup didn’t end the war by slaying all the dragons (just that one big one!)  He ended it by becoming a dragon listener. That’s the kind of leadership we need more of—and it starts with the choice to be different on purpose.

So if you’re in that murky middle space, wondering if it’s time to go...

Ask yourself: Is it that you can’t keep doing this—or that you won’t?

That’s the difference. That’s the doorway.

I RECOMMEND...
If you haven’t heard the How to Train Your Dragon soundtrack -  you'll want to fix that soon! The Test Flight theme is now on repeat in my house. Highly recommend for anyone who needs a little sonic courage.  

PODCAST 
Hiccup and Toothless.  This week’s episode uses How to Train Your Dragon to help you navigate career change with empathy, curiosity, and courage.

🔗 Click here to listen to this week’s episode

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